Today, on the 25th of May 2022, it has been 21 years (and two months) since the passing of a great author. The man who told us that space, while infinite, definitely has a sense of humor. And just remember, that while we humans may think of ourselves as the smartest creatures on the face of planet Earth, we only come in third.
So whatever you do:
DON’T PANIC!
We are here to provide you with the plentiful ways that you may use your towel (or winter blanket) on this most auspicious day, for enlivening your games.
And here are the 101 uses for a Towel!
As an impromptu tablecloth
When hardened with resin or a similar hardener, as a (bad) cloth armor.
If several are tied together, as a prison escape rope (also if cut to ribbons and tied together that way).
If rolled up, then as a pillow.
Sold as a former flying carpet as part of a con (and if short on cash).
As kindling, if dried first.
As a poncho.
As a makeshift tent.
Thrown over an opponent’s head as a momentary distraction.
As a parrying device when wrapped around the arm.
As a gas mask. (This is often combined with being covered in urine… Yeah. But it might keep you alive!)
As an impromptu dressing screen/privacy screen.
As a curtain for shadow puppet theater.
As temporary fireproofing. (When wet)
As a temporary roof, hatch or patch.
As an informal tent door or wind separation.
As a sound muffler.
As a makeshift stretcher.
As a cold or hot wrap.
As a sun or windscreen (requires setting up with poles and string)
As a makeshift dress or kilt.
As a liner for a pair of boots, especially in the cold or when the boots are far too big.
As makeshift manacles. (Please do not try anything kinky with it. But if you do, at least you have something to clean up the mess as well).
If equipped with rope and pitons, then as a tent.
Dipped in mud and soil to cover a trap.
As a hammock.
As a fishing net.
When covered in water and frozen – as a sled.
For sending smoke signals. (A code may need to have been agreed beforehand)
As a firefighting blanket (when wet).
As a cloak for a quick disguise.
For tying up a splint.
If frozen, as a bad shield.
As a makeshift sling.
Rolled around a stone to create a flail.
Rolled around a stone and frozen, for mace.
As a makeshift hat.
As a bag/sack.
As an emergency plug for a hole in a boat. Works best if oiled first, to keep out water.
If washed and cleaned, as temporary bandages (Warning: This is temporary at best as the towel is unlikely to be sterile).
Camouflage cover if covered in leaves, mud, and sticks.
For sleeping under (used as a blanket….).
Rolled up around the waist to fake being rotund (or pregnant).
As a burial shroud.
As padding for wearing armor.
As a makeshift cape (We say YES to capes!)
As a buoy marker on still water.
If water-/air-proofed, as a “portable air bubble”
Rolled up and treated with pitch: As a flaming boulder during a siege.
For making a fort! (Note: This will require MULTIPLE towels)
If stitched up, as a body bag.
As a waterskin. (if it’s not treated to be waterproof, this might get very messy.)
As part of a semaphore. (As 29, this might require a code).
As mobile cover, if propped up with sticks or poles.
Ripped and stripped for a makeshift ghillie suit.
As a temporary raincoat or winter coat.
As papyrus (requires pulping and sieving beforehand, so should not be tried in an emergency).
As a movie projection screen.
If painted and colored correctly (or through illusion magic) as a fake wall.
If cut to strings, as a paintbrush.
If cut to ribbons, as a broom or mop.
Wrapped around weapon or armor or other noisy material, to deaden the sound.
Folded, and used as an oven mitt, to prevent burns.
For drying dishes.
If stitched up, as a feeding bag for horses.
As a mask to cover the eyes of horses or cattle in case of a fire.
As a giant sling-pouch (perhaps for a catapult for humanoids).
As a hammock.
Wrapped around the body as protection from heat (in a similar manner to a Beduin).
Makeshift torch, when shredded, dipped in oil and wrapped around a handle of some sort.
If shredded, as earmuffs or earplugs.
As the key component of a kite. (Better make sure that the blank is thin or the winds strong before attempting this use).
For use as a tourniquet (see 40 as well)
For towel-snapping. Extremely unlikely to cause damage, but a slight sting and the snapping sound might be used to get someone’s attention OR divert it away from someone else, onto the snapper.
Tie around a bunch of caltrops and then smash it into someone. Since neither the towel or the caltrops are likely to be sterile (or even clean) this could cause some major issues down the line.
As a smoke-generator. Simply light it on fire. (Caution: Do not inhale. Likely to taste like the world’s worst tobacco and cause coughing fits)
When wet: For sowing cress or other types of minimalistically requiring plants. WHY you’d need cress, that’s up to you.
As a (terrible) canvas for painting on. Probably good for potato prints.
As a makeshift banner (The Knight of the Towel doesn’t sound very imposing, so make sure your towel has a suitably ferocious motif).
If oiled, then as a use for a temporary sail on a small boat. (Oil only required to make thin towels airtight. Thicker ones might well stop the air on their own).
As a scrub, especially for older, and unwashed blankets.
If wet and then frozen, as a toboggan, should you not have a sled.
As a matador’s cape, for capturing the attention of any stray bulls. (User be warned: bulls are likely to be unfriendly.)
As a display area or cloth for any wares you might be selling (or at least pretending to sell, if part of a disguise).
As a gag, though if worried about damage to the prisoner, then cut the towel to pieces and use as earplugs instead. (see 71)
As a source of cooling, when wet and wrapped around the user in hot areas. (Requires the towel to be wetted repeatedly).
As a fire trampoline, for catching someone who’s jumping down to you from a height. (Hey, it can’t hurt to at least TRY to minimize the damage).
As a cooling agent when wet and wrapped around a drink.
As a small carpet or rug.
As a material component for spells such as minor creation.
For dragging heavy objects around, if placed on top of the towel. (Requires a strong towel)
As a saddle or saddle blanket.
For covering evil mirrors.
For carrying dangerous magic items and avoiding physical contact.
As a superhero cape for making a grand entrance.
For adding a tactile component to visual-only illusion spells.
As a (bad) wig.
For use as reinforcement on mud or plaster walls (beneath the actual plaster/mud to strengthen it, and allow it to stick).
If rolled into a ball and set alight, then as a very cheap version of alchemist’s fire. (Warning: If attached with ACTUAL alchemist’s fire and tar, it might become a serious threat to anyone it’s thrown at).
For drying yourself when wet.
When hitchhiking around the galaxy, the presence of the towel will help alleviate suspicions that those who would provide you with a lift or help might otherwise have.
Happy Geek Pride Day!